Day 8

Things have transformed into a sadistic routine of violence and wide noises. I can’t help but noticing the rapidity with which Beirut gets used to war. The days of the city become more and more absurd. An absurdity that cannot be expressed in words, nor can it be illustrated with images. Old habits mix with new ones, people talk about their past war experiences and about possible future ones.

Today I did not go to the Red Cross, instead, I went to greet my grandparents who managed to cross the line of fire and get to Beirut safe and sound. My uncle however is still trapped in one of the isolated villages of the south along with his family. The car ride from Nabatyeh, one of the main cities of the south, to Beirut took around 5 hours, a ride that takes in normal cases not more than 1 hour. They did not want to leave. To quote my grandfather: ‘if we die in Beirut it would be a hustle for you to take us back to the south to burry us, while if we die in Nabatyeh at least we will be buried in our land without troubling anyone.’

On the political level nothing new happened, the same nonsense of stopping the violence, rights and wrongs, terrorism and self defense not to mention the concern over the civilians and the continued evacuation of foreign nationals. Things seem to be going like they are until further notice; some are talking about an American green light for one more week, maybe so.

For someone who has never been in a war, it is not easy to understand the kind of stress one can encounter. It is not like one can imagine: a constant state of terror or fear, or a dramatic chronicle, rather it is a state of underlying stress, a tension that is not translated into explicit fear. One goes on with one’s daily life, even though life is suspended until further notice. As we say, every day seems like a Sunday.

What troubles me is the fact that I cannot think about anything that is not on practical or transcendental level. I have not opened a book since 8 days. I have forgotten about my plans and projects, I have suspended all academic thinking. The future does not exist anymore; only a constant present defines the state of things.

Today trucks were banned from circulating in Beirut, for fear of being the targets of Israeli raids.

Tomorrow there is a protest in front of the UN headquarters in Beirut; there will be a march towards the headquarters of the European Union. I already know it will change nothing, and probably will go unnoticed or even yet unheard; nonetheless I will go, at least to feel unheard.

Today’s report is shorter than usual, the reason is not the decrease of killings, but as is the case with the media, when things become a norm they are no longer news. And today massacres have become a routine in Lebanon, they are no longer the subject of news flashes, and have passed to the regular news hour.